Now I’m feeling guilty. Like I haven’t provided full disclosure. I’ve been asking myself is it relevant? But something tells me it’s better to share. Maybe someone can relate and won’t feel so alone…Isolation is something I've come to understand too well.
Why did we leave the U.S. and move to Belgium?
You defy your worst fears and you meet the man you love. Together you climb the ladder of your respective careers, and eventually buy your dream home. I did those things. We did those things. What comes next in the American dream? Why a baby, of course. But it wasn’t that simple for us. Despite being poked and prodded and tested on every part of our bodies, doctors have never been able to explain our infertility.
7 YEARS, two or three clomid cycles, half a dozen IUI cycles (many of which entailed injections), and one failed IVF…and we’re still where we started: childless. And in the United States, this has not been an inexpensive journey. We sold our dream home to finance it.
We’ve traveled around the globe for treatments and insight. We’ve seen Chinese practitioners with whom we can barely communicate (drank their herbal potions of roots and god knows what else); we’ve meditated, received acupuncture, changed our diets, not consumed dairy, wheat, sugar, salt, soda, caffeine, or alcohol (and did I mention my husband is Belgian??)…we’ve done chi gong, exercised, not exercised…you name it. I even quit my job to avoid stress and make time for all the cooking and mediating the various ‘fertility-enhancing’ regimes required. But alas, we’re still where we started: childless.
Well, here in Belgium (and most of Europe), as Belgian citizens (which as you know, I newly am), as long as we live here, we’re entitled to 6 free rounds of IVF. That can amount to about 130,000 U-S dollars. Yes, it’s a big deal. The funny thing is, most Europeans I’ve encountered don’t even know or appreciate the privilege they have. They expect it as a given. Well, we appreciate it – and we’re giving it our all. We both wanted to feel we had done that much. No regrets, right? So age revealed, newly 37 – aging takes on a whole new tone. We are literally trying to beat the clock. We made the decision and within 3 months, I'd quit my job, my husband had found a new job and we were off to this new land.
So now you know why I am sitting here on my tushie, able to stay at home, travel around Europe looking for beautiful materials…while my husband works his butt off all day to support us. I’m supposed to be zen.
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